karen is karen

8:02 A M

2011-09-15T07:58:00.000+08:00

Can't sleep/really want this/please please please !!!

Stuck

2011-09-10T11:14:00.003+08:00

In my brother's room to escape the aircon servicing but woah, so smart because of course they have to do his aircon at the same time and I am really.... TRAPPED. i hate it, i have self diagnosed claustrophobia. And I abhor

1. Men shuffling around
2. Being airconless in this stifling heat, really
3. Perennial loud vacuuming
4. Being Foodless
5. And... Phoneless

Aiyaaaa , whiney beech

What is your dream job?

2011-09-09T01:05:00.002+08:00

Actually it would be something to do with writing. Or this. Or that. There is a list.

Lucky, because writing doesn't have to be a job. There are alot of things that you can enjoy doing outside of your career. I have passion in quite a fair amount of things; basically I am either extremely enthusiastic or have zero interest in something. I tend to have obsessions with whatever intrigues me... a heat-of-the-moment type of person, but the depth with which I want to understand something is really ernest. So I always wanted that energy to translate into something. But at some point of time, reality surfaces to ground you. Or does it not? Or maybe, it's not a "now or never" and one day everything will fall into place.

“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'” ; George Bernard Shaw.

Bonne weekend.

Delete.

Ten minutes to dinner

2011-09-08T18:18:00.002+08:00

So my bed routine keeps getting increasingly extensive and it's actually somewhat mentally exhausting ( wanted to say challenging but hmmmmm ) because I'm constantly at war with myself! If anyone even knows what that means.. my mind influences my body to do something it is reluctant to perform. By that I meant stretching/light exercises/prrrr*yyy and it actually helps me to sleep really well and conjure sweeter dreams. But when I tried to venture into meditation ummm I really didn't know what I was doing. Just spacing out and snapping out of it when I felt confused. Fail.

Randomly felt a *gush of warmth* over something really insignificant... what a girly moment! SIck.

Also, blogging frequency has hit a deadly low ( maybe less than once a month ) but when I decided to click on my stats I got a shock at the hit count for last month! Seriously who even goes to this website anymore to stare at a canvas of dreary dramaholic words. Even I don't. Also because when I read what I wrote I feel... unfamiliarity.

Conclude that in this post I sound very very very strange.

Should delete.

Love is not a triangle, is it.

2011-08-12T23:26:00.003+08:00

March 8 dates the last time I ever wrote here; five months if you can count. I'll keep the unspoken in my bag of secrets, burgeoning as is usually is. Still, I want to tell tales of Hong Kong, Thailand, Taiwan, Canada and New York... Maybe when I have some pictures handy.

I have a new site, but I am also contemplating a Tumblr, which may be a short-lived fad but the beautiful pictures in the Tumblr community are really enticing! I miss having my virtual diary colored by pictures the way it used to be when I bothered traversing with my big black Canon... which I have since donated to my brother. Anyhow I intend to get a new camera soon and maybe, just maybe but also most likely, I will have the patience to upload pictures on my blog again!

Seldom does an exclamation mark find its way here so.. I'm thrilled. :)

so it goes like this?

2011-03-08T00:23:00.002+08:00

Tonight the three of us sat on deep blue benches and drank milk tea with smooth jelly. The colloquy was half hearted. I let the jelly slide around my mouth, and I wonder about the Sanksrit romatha act of chewing cud. Then I remember how Totto-Chan used money to buy a piece of treebark. Totto-Chan's got to be one of my all time favourite characters. Then. Poiful jellybeans in strange desaturized colors. Like Harry Potter's vomit flavored beans.

tell me the place love found you

2011-03-07T01:04:00.002+08:00

John Milton: "It happened in monterey, a long time ago I met her in monterey in ole mexico, stars and still guitars and lucious lips as red as wine broke somebody's heart and i'm affraid it was mine it happened in montery without thinking twice I left her and threw away the key to paradise"

al pacino lovin.

Gimme the beat boys, and free my soullll

2011-02-26T15:14:00.004+08:00

February is brilliant, minus a few outliers, but I shall not talk of that.

Again I tire of the uniform small talk. Amidst faces I like, my mind freewheels, I am strange and random. My life is half encapsculed in my phone, and it delights me when a whatsapp notification disrupts a game of Air Control or virtualand Scrabble. There's a storm brewing at home, but I don't really know who to talk to about it.

The opening line of a Leo Tolstoy book I read last night goes:

Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Vrai ou faux?

I suck bone marrow as I type this.

I love bone marrow.

the red week

2011-02-05T21:50:00.005+08:00

BEAUTIFUL JANUARY! Is over. Beginning to enjoy being accountable to n o o n e.

My youngest brother is sprawled on the cream couch. He stares at his new watch, all ready for army; " A good watch makes a good day." Then he peels open the wrapper of a milk candy and mumbles that a rabbit a day keeps the doctor away. -.-

I really like this one:

You said you were peopled with other personalities; I knew them all as one,
like coloured sections of an umbrella that meet at the spike.
Under the shade of your muted colours, I stand in the rain,
talking to myself on the phone.

- Emily Berry

That's how we roll

2011-01-23T11:11:00.002+08:00

"I just feel like bullying you when I see your face. "

Wow. I like your honesty.

From Flaws

2011-01-19T01:06:00.001+08:00

Please log in to continue

2011-01-16T15:19:00.001+08:00

No, I am taking flight from you this time.

L.I.F.E

2011-01-03T12:19:00.003+08:00

takes you by surprise. 2011; feet off the ground.

I haven't checked in here for a long time, to be honest I feel vulnerable and exposed by this space, it reeks of... cynicism. Which I am not. In an interview they asked Matchbox Twenty, why, why are your lyrics so sad? Because you only write when you are sad, but when you are happy, you are too busy being happy to write. Will that suffice to justify the stinking mood here?

I have no resolutions for the year, because expectations let you down mostly. Whatever comes, comes, and I really think I am strong enough to handle anything. Almost.

Bises xxooxxii.?

Stop crying, stop. Please.

2010-11-29T21:42:00.003+08:00

Never thought I could be this broken, and the impact wasn't even directly upon me. That I chose to be oblivious to this suffering hurts me, and puts me to the deepest shame. For the first time I am really at a lost; there isn't much that I can do but it feels like there is so much I should do and I should have done, but it probably wouldn't really make a difference. I never thought it would hit me this way, and I don't think anyone who is free from such an experience will ever understand, the kind of blow it strikes, like a cold hard slap on your heart.

The greatest activity

2010-11-25T23:59:00.004+08:00

The nights get me the most; I am really afraid of being lonely in the dark. So I am well acquainted with the habit of midnight bingeing, just so to lace the brain with serontonin that magically makes me yawn. I used to take The Yellow Pill when the insomnia was incurable by virtue of counting sheep, but clearly thats just... bad. Sometimes I drink SleepyTime tea. It tastes odd and mints my mouth to numbness... well I grew to like it although I never finished the carton. Strangely enough the package that houses the sachets works better; there's something about a peaceful sleeping cartoon bear in his little sleeping cap that makes me tingle with warmth inside. And of course there is my trusty silk comforter, that's my favourite thing my mom ever bought for me. I dislike the color, but the fortune teller said it's good for me.

.........

i know everyone agrees on this !

2010-11-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

So tell me, tell me.

2010-11-25T11:04:00.002+08:00

It is really awkward writing with streams of students lining up behind me; I am seated in the immediate vicinity of the printer.

Anyway.

Human beings are strange. Or maybe it's just me. Why would any sane person want to be sad? To feel hurt? It should be a natural inclination to be happy. So events and circumstances bring us down, but to be sad because of afterthoughts and basically things that are going on in your head doesn't quite make sense. They aren't kidding when they said, you can't control what happens but you can control how you react to it. Of course this isn't absolute. There is no reason to be happy when you lose a loved one. But I guess, we shouldn't swim in this pool of misery and float about helplessly.

I just find it funny, how we know the right choices to be happy but choose to indulge in sadness. Is it a choice? Is it?

20 questions 20 answers

2010-11-25T10:53:00.003+08:00

4 minutes left for my Philosophy paper, but I am liberated prematurely, some 100metres away at Yushof Ishak Hall. I don't really know how to spell it. :) Which leaves me with a final paper on the 29th on the politics of Singapore; that means plenty of readings for me, the kind that you can never quite finish. I got the coursepack from Philip, and it was white and pristine and I wondered if he ever got his nose into those pages.

Pretty pertubed what to fill my days with after the exams. The job search goes without saying, and I am excited about Thailand. "What kind of industry are you looking at?" I don't know. I just want to be happy.

Build me up buttercup

2010-11-23T01:12:00.003+08:00

I swear, at the most random pockets of time I string together words in my mental diary but once I hit the NewPost button, my brain just shuts off. In any case, the examinations have commenced and I haven't done any substantial studying, but it will suffice for light expectations. Even in the exam hall I think of you. And that's not a good thing.

All Souls College

2010-11-16T21:22:00.004+08:00

Midway through Cohen. He is hitherto a genius. I never realised I am a conservatist because I only learnt it as a political ideology...but really, i am a perfect small c conservative.

Aristophanic Filial Piety

2010-11-16T17:36:00.001+08:00

Premise 1: It is fine to beat children; to discipline them.

Premise 2: Elderly parents are in their second childhood.

Conclusion: It is fine to beat elderly parents, to discipline them.

Le petit gentilhomme , je t'aime

2010-11-14T01:02:00.006+08:00

chagrin d'amour

2010-11-13T03:05:00.003+08:00

Need more brains, less heart

Quench that curiosity my dear

2010-11-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

More on The Endowment Effect

2010-11-10T16:59:00.011+08:00

The Endowment Effect basically describes the phenomenon whereby the value of an object is augmented when we possess it: when it becomes part of our endowment. It is the outcome of 2 interplaying effects: loss aversion and status quo bias. Loss aversion occurs when the disutility of giving up object exceeds the utility in acquiring it. Thus the status quo bias.

Applying this to the context of relationships, I feel that the endowment effect usually kicks in after entering the relationship. We want to know that we have made the right choice of partner, we need a kind of assurance and justification, therefore we begin to see our partners in a different light, suddenly he/she cannot be compared to anyone else just because he is ideal. It is also because of this effect that we cease to consider new options, because what we have must be better. The endowment effect is said to be irrational and defies economic theories; love is irrational, too. The problem here is, are we in love with an imaginary person? Have you permitted yourself to develop a grandiose concept of your lover and be holding on to what never existed? So you might feel that you shall never love another with the same kind of intensity again, because he is irreplaceable, but if you set aside your feelings and bring in rationality, he is really much more ordinary than you ever realised.

exactement

2010-11-08T22:03:00.002+08:00

hanging on

2010-11-08T21:34:00.011+08:00

So I was studying for tomorrow morning's paper, and somehow decided to indulge in fantasy 'if-only' thoughts, and then it struck me how I must most certainly have been much happier at the same time last year. At random moments the blog archive is really valuable, and I was right.

In the November of 2009 I wrote about simple dates out with you, hand in hand, favourite naps films and dinners. The only premonition would have been the lyrics of Fragile.

Which goes like this:

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile

So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile

Something snapped and now, I feel insanely lonely. I miss us.

Rainy nights attack!

2010-11-08T01:14:00.000+08:00

My heart needs some sort of a mental faculty because it is stupid with... love.

it is not for sale, sorry

2010-11-03T20:17:00.002+08:00

At Starbucks writing on the endowment effect, over an ice blended Toffee Nut Cream. I am in a strategic corner where I allow myself to be distracted by fluttering feet and shadows. It would be perfect if I had a nice plump shoulder to settle my wanting head into, poisoned by magical cologne blended with skin, diffused into my lungs and consciousness, bringing me many nights back to a favorite memory, as you press your pursed lips against the thin green straw and take in the darkened roast that engulfed the mug.

you know my name, not my story

2010-10-26T12:51:00.003+08:00

I am foolish.

Hello new troubles.

Bonsoir

2010-10-25T01:00:00.002+08:00

With you, is where I want to be.

I had a great weekend filled with nice smiles screams laughter and banter, everywhere smelled of rain and sleepiness. Elaboration comes with patience, the workload is immense!

<3

boo i want you

2010-10-23T13:21:00.000+08:00

triumph

2010-10-22T01:10:00.002+08:00

You have this amazing talent of driving me to the brink of madness and reducing me to angry tears.

my brain is an asylum

2010-10-21T23:54:00.002+08:00

The haze is heavy in the air, and it is really fun to spew mindless speculations; think massive fumigation and a burning university campus. I observe how this haze has divided Singapore into camps; to lament, to see its humour, or dismiss it altogether. In any case, it is a topic of great influence this week; even my face has been described as hazy: is that not disturbing? So are my thoughts, viscous and pervasive, darkened by the smoke in my lungs and head, dirt plastered against my skin.

Le parfait

2010-10-18T14:29:00.003+08:00

Everyone came for him

More treats.

© The Estate of Guy Bourdin

i want to beach

2010-10-18T00:48:00.004+08:00

I amaze myself, how I weave pictures and words together seamlessly.

Sunday was glorious!
Which makes Monday ridiculously busy.
Goodnight world.

Ink is my perfume

2010-10-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

Ink runs from the corners of my mouth
There is no happiness like mine.
I have been eating poetry.
;Mark Strand

Imagination has no boundaries

2010-10-17T13:50:00.002+08:00

Off for a dip in the pool!

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air; Ralph Waldo Emerson

Like or DIslike?

2010-10-16T19:28:00.002+08:00

No less than 3 hours messing with HTML.

Is this better than the previous interface?

fly birdie fly, up up to the sky

2010-10-16T15:23:00.002+08:00

I just want big splashes of picture color across a infinite white canvas, why so difficult? stop designing fancy skins and give me my endless whites, i am desperate, my bird flew away from the screen and never came back.

i salute anyone who understands my mind.

did i not say, haha?

2010-10-11T17:58:00.002+08:00

Just because I wrote in Chinese, doesn't make me emo in anyway! ( i received concerned messages ). Has got to be the dullness of my choice of chinese vocabulary; once my teacher called my mother thinking i had family issues because of a chinese essay I submitted...

In any case, that was more of a reflection than anything else. No sadness or negative emotions involved. ;)

哈哈

2010-10-11T14:20:00.003+08:00

突然有股冲动，很想用华文写笔记。从来没有尝试过，感觉蛮奇怪，却有新鲜感。

小时候曾经疯狂的读过冰心和三毛的小说，就一直觉得华文可以写得好有感觉，独有的风味，也和英文有巨大的分别。语言便是如此，都有各自的精髓，即使描绘一样的情景，也有不一样的表达方式。就是这个原因，我非常抗拒看被翻译的港剧。太多的意义在翻译的过程遗失了，真无趣。

最近，心情平静多了。分手，又不是第一次，但是痛得很真，很实在。过程似乎无限制的重复，我觉的自己被锁死在个小框框里面，捆住了。脑筋也不休思，因为看不见你，只好不断的想你，想到快发疯了。太多太多的问题困扰着我，没有答案，入枕难眠，不知不觉就天亮了。“难到美好的回忆，你忘了吗？你。。。忘得了吗？心里面，可以容纳另外一个人吗？我们再尝试一次，那该有多好。过去的不足，让我现在逆补。” 脑海里是一直这么念着的。心里面，只有无奈。

慢慢的，开始为自己的幸福负责任，再也不依靠你，也不再渴望得到你的爱。生命里，仍然有值得珍惜的人和事物，也不能为了你而停顿下来。偶尔陪你看看电影，逛逛街，喝咖啡聊天叙旧，不也是一种幸福吗？为了遗失的爱情而放弃了之间的默契，太不值得。爱情虽短暂，友谊却是永恒！旧情人拥有的独特感动，也唯独我和你，就让我们珍惜着吧！：）

hi nerkern

2010-10-11T01:48:00.004+08:00

I am curled up in bed with the macbook, half worrying about radiation and cervical cancer. On the other hand I wouldn't really like to believe this so called fact because nocebo effects are self fulfilling.

The weekend was brilliant. On Saturday Marcus, Jiahao and I spent a good one hour at Decoders Cafe, picking rental games fit for a party group. We carried home Quelf and Cahoots, then lugged the keyboard, stand and guitar over to Marcus's place. Everyone sat in an imperfect circle and played games, with late guests filtering in ever so often. By 2 in the morning, the crowd had dispersed; Marcus, Nicholas, Darren and I decided to hang around till the morning train. Between the 3 of us we shared 14 cans of jumbo sized beers while Darren had replacement fishballs. i was impressed by Nicholas's guitar and piano, even though I could have sworn he was asleep. He has awkward fingers that turn into magic, flying across strings and notes. At the peak of the night everyone turned ridiculously giggly and curled into random fits of laughter, bodies spread across the marble floor and melon yellow sofa. At 7 am, the mother woke up and looked at us, and everyone was immediately cured, sane but red. I had my 2 minute walk home with Marcus always halfstep quicker, guitar knocking everywhere.

At home, I never stopped sleeping.

But I did. At 5pm I got up and washed, outlined my eyes with a dark pencil and rubbed my lips nude, and met Jason for Yoshinoya, bubble tea, and a Donnie Yen film. It was actually pretty funny; Donnie Yen in a superhero suit, butt-naked, making Bruce Lee yells, seriously? The action choreography was a let down though; the effects were an overkill. But then again, it was funny, it had lovely Shu Qi, and Donnie stripped. Wouldn't ask for more ;). When we were done with the film, we headed for the favourite Cinnamon Melts and shared a Caramel Machiatto.. I have a thing for caramel recently. A sweet 70 year old lady spent half an hour telling us stories, and I lowered my head listening for inconsistencies while Jason earnestly conversed, encouraging. When she left, we wondered what I shall be like when I turn old. Heh. The night ended with me giggling at a old video, and I was thankful we made the transition to old-loverfriends. If that sounds confusing it is not, not to me at least because I coined it, but in any case it is just really comforting to be able to enjoy friendship when the feelings have dissipated.

Sleepy therefore shall sleep, night world. <3

thanks life

2010-10-05T13:55:00.001+08:00

For some reason whenever I step into the pool it seems to be a cue for the thunder to sound.

quoi?

2010-10-04T12:03:00.003+08:00

"Carpe diem. Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary!"

And i deserve that don't you think? :) Everyone deserves that. Graduaction occurs in 2 months and I need time to myself, which is pretty exciting really:) Schoolwork has been intense no doubt but not unenjoyable so I wouldn't complain. Who laments during her final semester!

Daily stabs

2010-09-25T14:27:00.001+08:00

"If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now." - Clark W Griswold

i am brewing

2010-09-25T14:00:00.002+08:00

The occasional random spurts of words and a messy mental map,

Twitter seems to be the answer.

toujours!

2010-09-24T12:03:00.001+08:00

Fridays are awesome because of french class. < 3

i should delete this half asleep crap

2010-09-08T01:09:00.002+08:00

I smile too much these days, catching up on happiness. Infrequently I get nerved, but never enough to command tears or misery, and I am up and about in 10 minutes. Most of the time I feel light-headed and a little too silly. =)

School is a life-sucker really, piling assignments and fitting timetables like jigsaw puzzles for project meetings. I want to travel badly. I miss plush cinema seats and I miss breathing in popcorn fumes, I need to visit the movies next week! I also need an emergency appointment with the hairdresser; my bangs have grown themselves into a curtain and I look like the NipponPaintDog. I had them pushed back into my hair today with lots of bobby pins until my face was bare naked and my scalp itched.

Goodnight world I am too boring for you 2 hours past my bedtime.

I need to go

2010-09-06T14:12:00.002+08:00

I am not a citygirl.

I want to live in the Gloucestershire lakehouse. Will Master Khor's prediction be right? Can I stay in any house I want?

This one, please.

http://www.yoo.com/pt50_The-Lakes-by-yoo/

its me!

2010-08-31T18:06:00.001+08:00

You move on when you stop trying!

I am really proud of myself to announce that I am emotionally liberated and have regained my optimism in life and love.

In a way, thanks Nick Vujicic for a simple yet enlightening video, thanks!!

Tagliatelle

2010-08-13T11:09:00.004+08:00

Routine returns in the form of school. On Day 1 I was frightened by the sheer numbers marching in the library; the next day I fell ill, and on Thurs we had a lecture on alternative medicine. Claire Mark and I watched Salt, and tripled the disbelief that we paid for such a silly, mindless movie. I have always been skeptical of Joliefilms, and she is always affirmative.

The Mezzanine is a surprising delight; I think I could read anything Baker writes. ( I even read a 2 page miniscule sized subscripted debate between the science of paper and plastic straws, but when I extended the discussion to the table over schoolunch, it died off almost instantly. I am not talented like that ).

Some nights I teach a German boy about walaos, aiyos, lars. I test him with a picture from a recipe book, and he effortlessly identifies, accurately, basil, feta cheese and bell pepper. I am impressed because I mistook the feta for tofu. Half the time we talk of food music school people and festivals; the other half Europe, Asia and travel. I intend to convert him, one day; he doesn't enjoy seafood nor durian. Our opinions converge with regards to capital punishment. Sometimes we use our limited, grammer-faulty French, or his Germglish, or my singlish, but most of the time, universally apt internet english. Always I am giddy with jealousy when he talks of garden parties, jumping into lakes buttnaked, oversized bathtubs that I could swim or scubadive in, a drive to Paris, to London, a weekend at Hamburg, at Heidelberg... I feel contained in my country.

2010-07-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

It's 11 pm, friday night. I am unlonely, listening to Adam Levine and going insane over his facial growth, with a warm mug of mushroom goodness. The whole stubble, white shirt, skinny jeans, clean cut hair will never tire me out. I haven't done much reading this holiday, instead I invested some time in the kitchen, making myself dirty and greasy with olive oil, anchovies, bellpepper, parsley, flour, cocoa powder and cream. I am promised 2 days of experiments each week because my dinner plumps people up. I want a cookie jar badly; for now I make do with an empty Marks and Spencers sauce bottle which looks really silly with a redeeming scumptilicious sticker slapped onto the bottle belly. I am a little frustrated because I think I will never have the time again to read War and Peace, the thickest book I have ever desired to challenge, and it always sits in the library, old fat and teasing.

Naise

2010-07-15T17:27:00.001+08:00

k: How was your day?

Daniel: Um I don't know

I just woke up 15 mins ago.

;)

2010-07-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes happiness is as simple as releasing expectations, and just living for the moment.

Paul my foe my food

2010-07-07T14:54:00.004+08:00

Time for some happiness infusion before this place gets all mouldy and sappy! I haven't written for months. Life has been treating me well. =) I treasure my holidays. My latest obsession is grocery shopping; and today the cashier laughed at my haul "so many different kinds of noodles??" and I started giggling because I had Korean vermicilli, Japanese somen, and Italian Farfella in my basket like a grand experiment. I have been going crazy singing Wavin Flag and Tsamina mina eh eh waka waka eh eh tsamina mina zangalewa. Next I have been slamming Apologize on keyboardkeys.

And octopus hating.

***

IT IS SO DIFFICULT TO WRITE LISTENING TO WAVING FLAG AND THEN IT GOES BACK, AND THEN IT GOES BACK

Because hate and love is the same

2010-04-11T22:31:00.002+08:00

I looked at you during the movie and you were perfect, and I knew I had fallen hard for you. It hurt me that I felt love everywhere permeating through my skin but it was all from me, just me. I hated how wrong it felt to be in love, hated love, hated you, hated everyone else in love. Hated me, for all the unspeakable words reaching out at me at the busstop. All I want is to freeze time, and we will have forever, not 30 days. Or to transfer my love away, to a boy or myself or an activity or the air, like how you threw yours away.

Maybe one day we will fall in love again.

Empire State of Mind

2010-04-01T15:35:00.003+08:00

Yesterday words pierced me and made my face moist and sticky, then I recovered dizzy with the search. We had fingerlickin good Kentucky and gooey fries, and the night forgettable. My skin is brown and peeling from the regular swimming; it is a favourite activity because I dislike sweat. For 3 weeks I have not had ballet classes and I miss the snug fit of my feet intimately pressed against the pink leather, like a secondskin.

I am going to set the cinemas ablaze with hungry eyes, too many good movies and excessive work to complete this week. Leonardo Dicaprio ridiculously intense (again??), a mindless 3D cartoon, Clash of Titans. I am internet transported to lovely Phuket, everything is booked and unpaid. I can scarcely keep my imagination away.

I am messy now, messy with mental dictionaries and scholarly ideas because I have 3 papers to write. It is perfectly inconceivable to do a lit critique and a political science arguement concurrently, which calls for priority. It is alarmingly clear by word count.

Lit: 58
PS: 1569

If love is measured by words.

Not we. Me.

2010-03-31T03:08:00.002+08:00

Tonight I sat in my brother's car, clumsy with knobs. I thought about Sunday; Jason ferried me in a shiny blue bicycle and I cried out with my legs suspended, blinded by his back. All week I punish myself with an apocalyptic volume of sleep, the other day I lay next to you and we slept, I told you I dreamt of you and you said, "me too". Magical moments like these grieve me, where did our love disappear too? I trick myself that it has gone in hiding, Banish the dishonest clouds in my head and get over you, emptied loveshell.

local voice?

2010-03-14T09:30:00.002+08:00

One of my inspirations ( a fellow human and not an abstract entitiy ) has designed a beautiful concept which I am most in awe of; I want to contribute too.

The past week has been surreal, and not in a good way. I am uncertain how we should be defined but I will immerse in the present and forsake longsightedness for now.

In school political science continues to intrigue me, I am torn between realism and liberalism with a leaning towards the latter, and likened Jason to hard-core realist John Mearsheimer, eternally suspicious. We have to write a paper, and there is a mad determination not to pick the same question.

At dance class we have discovered the clicking of character shoes, and I bought ribbons for the flats! Ballet seems to glorify pink which I once resisted irreconcilably. The hatred has softened but I would scarcely consider myself a pink advocate.

Bye I hope the warm weather will hasten and leave us prematurely and we will be happy again.

Watered desert

2010-03-05T12:29:00.004+08:00

We are melting in the heat, it is the reason for everything; pimples, unruly hair, tempers, sleeplessness, crushed spirits and terrible emptiness. I suffocate in my dreams and stir every night, but I cannot blame the temperature because I control it via the bedside device. Last night I accounted for it by catching a winged intruder.

I made 2 decisions this week that I wish to take back, and I hate regret. Therefore I applied remedy upon myself: sissored my fringe and tugged eyelash off my lid. Next I wonder if I should pigment my hair?

The Flapper

2010-03-03T23:23:00.003+08:00

Because I was so overwhelmed by these words:

"I saw that for a long time I had not liked people and things, but only followed the rickety old pretense of liking. I saw that even my love for those closest to me was becoming only an attempt to love... - contemptuous of human softness... hating the night when I couldn't sleep and hating the day when it went toward night. "

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Voice of the Jazz Age/The Crack Up

And, on losing his wife to mental illness, who wrote him ' I love you anyway- even if there isn't any me or any love or even any life.' - Zelda

" I left capacity for hoping on the little roads that led to Zelda's sanitarium"

Could not possibly have been expressed more precisely. I need to start Great Gatsby urgently.

Having a coke with you is better than?

2010-02-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

I promise to write 3 times a day to make up for lost time! Lies don't get more obvious.

The absence is due to an internet detachment, other things have filled up time. Yesterday Dear John taught me something about time: it always runs out. I expected more from the film, but still I felt a level of intimacy with John and Salvanah until the story unfolded unnaturally. I think films are movies but movies are not films.

I remember liking this:

" The only one film I want to make, I will never make because it is Impossible. It is a film on love, or of love, or with love. To speak in the mouth, to touch the breast, for women to imagine and see the body, the sex of the man, a caress a shoulder, things as difficult to show and intend as horror, as war, and sicknesses are. ''

Jean-Luc Godard

( I typed that out, because i can't paste in blogger anymore! )

My favourite module this semester is Politics... a great lecturer and good topics and an open platform with so many ideas, ideas and more ideas. Such fascinating words as panapticon, false consciousness, John Locke Thomas Hobbes Plato neo-realism anarchy... words that had no meaning to be before.

On Fridays I revisit ballet, a childhood enemy. I enjoy it now, possibly as much as I used to hate it. It hurts more but makes greater sense. I walked in the rain in pink tights, the rain and mud dirtied it, and a car gliding across water made my legs look like they belong to a brown spotted cow.

It is funny, I want to write; there can only be too much to talk about when u disappear this long, but memory is strange, I don't remember well and in my mind there are just pockets of memory, not distinct enough to form paragraphs. I always wonder why memory happens this way: as time transcends we forget more and more... and we try to hold on to certain images, visual perhaps or maybe a feeling? But as that memory blurs we struggle more intensely to keep it and this image becomes more vivid and colored as we want it to be. Eventually we are not sure if we made something up ourselves! I am not making sense here =)

Pee Pee

2010-01-06T19:35:00.004+08:00

A stranger experiences a heartbreak and I feel it through her words, what is love when defied by circumstances? It must be bittersweet, a haunting ache.

At home it is ticking after 7, it is a familiar chaos, dinner will happen soon. My dad hurries in the kitchen, my brothers swarm the living room, the sound of feet clapping against the marbled floor creating a backdrop for Rod Steward's raspy voice, he sings that he is sailing, he is flying, like a bird. My mother divides the rice into portions; it is never correct and we will soon make mutual swaps or leave residue on the plates.

My first post in 2010 I realise! Secretly I have penned words in another journal, still opting to type than to scratch ink on paper. There is greater organisation and speed but less personalisation. Anyway I have less than remarkable penmanship. Because it is a private space I write freely, unabashedly, and with a noted recklessness. I think it interesting when my posts in these 2 spaces begin to parellel each other, like applying an experiment on myself.

On New Year's Eve, which I have proclaimed some nonchalance over, I found myself stuck in a cubicle in a public restroom as the time ticked 12.00, ran out and reunited, watched fireworks exploding into the Singapore, sky quite by accident; . Prior to that, we took off to the Flyer and looked down at a ready nation, lighted up in brilliant colors, waiting for 2010 to turn into reality and 2009 history, to creep into their calendars, for their resolutions to begin, for new days. A transition celebrated. The first 2 hours of the year must be some of my worst; it was painful attempting to hoard a taxi. Only at 3 am did wonderful things happen to me. I will keep it close to my heart.

The week before school begins, bidding woes are back and wicked germs are crawling in my body, stealing my voice. I hope to see friends and also steal more hours lying in the sun with Jason, skin prickling as we get roasted, and books under the deckchair, and splashing in the water, chasing, treading, floating, submerging, kicking, blinking.

Like free spirits.

Dark rum melts

2009-12-04T21:01:00.003+08:00

Friday night; it is chilly, too chilly, the weather feels foreign. It feels soothing... I need that. I tried to sleep loneliness away today, it came back halved when I opened my eyes. But I am always hopeful for tommorow.

Last night was equally cold, damp ground underfoot, raindrops caught in the hair. We sat under Christmas lights bouncing golden off our skins. Dark rum and strawberry chocolate, machine drinks in bottles and cans, people watching opposite Coffeebean. And then packed home prematurely.

Also, completed all 600 odd pages of the genius writing- masterpiece, really. The story thickened the characters grew and then it all became subverted... Fantastic read, one of the most intoxicating I have ever came across. Next I will need to lay my hands on the one about a Handmaid. At the moment I am madly in love with Alex Thomas, except I doubt I can manage loving in borrowed spaces, on borrowed time. I will be aching, heart clutching.

Chase, under the bridge, engraved.

2009-11-28T23:40:00.004+08:00

Spontaneous Saturday; unhurried and pleasurable. In the afternoon we visited the library, shared a table with a queer mismatch, couple age and clothes. I laid out 5 books before me and took my pick, fingering crisp pages and then yellowed pages. Atwood is a genius. Opposite, Sir Wing completed tutorial and read on fencing, faceless men in white protection, practising swordmanship. Foil. Épée. Sabre.

At 5 we treated ourselves to indulgence packed in red plastic; all sorts of food. $2 Birds Nest, Malay Beehoon coloured with spices, Goreng Pisang x 3, buttered corn, Japanese salmon pizza thick with sauces. Happiness in a cup, Joy in a box, Budbliss, light on the pockets, heavy in the stomachs. Then we decided to steal an evening nap, fingers interlaced. When we opened our eyes the sky had turned a darker shade and Jason left for his Man Friends.

Page 61, The Button Factory. I am overwhelmed already!

Early night, tommorow is my dear friend's birthday lunch.

coffee jelly

2009-11-27T23:15:00.003+08:00

Get pretty worked up when Jason reads out my blog animatedly... completely strange to hear your thoughts through another person's voice.

By the way, it is an instruction.

Watched District 9 with the family and The Informant. Both are rather different offerings, I wouldn't really think of them as mainstream... Racism applied to aliens, Bipolar disordered informant?? Enjoyable but I doubt i will commit much to memory.

blah.

stacey!

2009-11-24T16:58:00.002+08:00

Blogging at an alarming rate! My compulsive behavior is really frightening. I'm just wondering if any of my friends catch X factor too, I think Stacey Solomon is such a darling and Olly is too adorable! Plus, my favourite panel of judges ever.

On a different note, I cannot even begin to imagine how Rob Houben must have felt in the 23 years.. He was diagnosed as vegetative, but was in fact aware of his surroundings; yet unable to move or respond.

"Powerlessness. Utter powerlessness. At first I was angry, then I learned to live with it."

He is now writing a book.

urgh

2009-11-24T14:34:00.002+08:00

I really hate it when I come across things that terrorize my mind for a good period of time...

I return to the story
of the woman caught in the war
& in labour, her thighs tied
together by the enemy
so she could not give birth.

Please don't let that be true.

The night is inspiring.

2009-11-24T11:36:00.001+08:00

Drugged by medicine, I discovered a little personal project to work on... Only 10 p.m. Grapefruit morning, chocolate walnut scones, busy commuters, cold office, hot tea, LunchBreak? Secret vice: 2 dimensional shopping on a square lighted screen.

I want a handwritten letter! Christmas might give me one. =)

Flash.flood.

2009-11-23T16:05:00.003+08:00

Lunched Ashlyn over 'Hotbean' and Green curry, chased time, took a yellow Christmas Tangs picture where a frightening man wanted to help us, then shouted dark secrets in the middle of Orchard.

The other day, a lady stormed into the train and headed directly for the priority seat, shouted at the guy "Can you please let an old lady seat? I am an old lady you know?". He scramped off,she sat next to me, with her bare foot propped on the seat, knee to her chest. The next 20 minutes she picked dead skin off her foot. I am uncertain what to make out of it... is this how age and a label empowers a Singaporean?

Jason is moving house soon...running out of ideas of what to get for his room as time ticks off more choices fromthe list. Nothing seems sufficiently relevant. Once I wanted to get him Wall Art, got lost over what painting it should feature, then I wanted to get a functional payphone fixed to his wall, but thought it too cute. Wall mount brackets. Venetian hooks. Lamp shades. Duvet covers. Shag rug. Block cushions. Tripod side table.

.
.
.

Usually when I brew too many colliding ideas... I end up with nothing. =)

SAY HI to your forever

2009-11-21T21:39:00.004+08:00

21st november, sleeping hours extended, 2 sets of lunch, great teabreak over Pork Chop Bun and a Dracula drink.. pity it ends this way. Nevermind.

Daul Kim's death makes me wonder... if suicide is more infectious than I would like to imagine?

"The writers take too much self importance...
I kind of hate art, because its always so something in the air
too much importance
too much pride?
but sometimes something catches your eye and thats nice.
but its very rare"
- Daul Kim.

Most striking.... possibly exceedingly quoted, the following:

staying relative is hard
staying honest is hard

i know i'm like a ghost
i have nothing but myself

Thought of her when I listened to Fragile:

Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean
Words from the heart or a melody
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel nothing at all
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile

awuch

2009-11-16T12:26:00.002+08:00

Suffering from an intensely uncomfortable headache... hits just the left temple... is that called a migraine? And my body is threatening to throw up every moment. I feel geuninely awful... If anyone likes gratitude I have plenty to offer... if you can rescue me from this shit. TIA.

Dondon the Dog

2009-11-14T20:56:00.003+08:00

It is 9 and bedtime for the past week. Obliged on a weekend to stay up, but with no pressing errand to attend to, it gets somewhat challenging. Sleep is a habit.

Nothing spectacular to write of. I started the Saturday premature; woke up at 5 am and felt the chilly sunless morning wind hit my face, whispering December. Vegetarian breakfast with the parents, family lunch at Imperial Treasures. It is fast becoming a no brainer to head there for weekend meals, the food is pretty authentic with a reasonable price to match. We spent a great deal of time shopping at Wismawisma as my mother calls it, I got a pretty dress and jumpsuit (finally!) from Bebe... I've been looking for one for agesss, loved this piece but there was a nasty little tear so, genuinely hoping their tailor can fix it. The dress had pockets.. I am unabashedly biased towards soft fabrics and anything that features pockets. We loitered through Orchard Road's Christmas lights, something that never fascinated me. Nauseous taxi ride home. Panadol saved my life.

Friday the 13th occured as an exceptionally lucky day. I left work as punctually as I could. Jason and I had a heavy pasta dinner with warm apple crumble and soda, browsed German Movies over HK YuenYang, and went home early because we got too lethargic for the streets.

Are there seedless watermelons? I believe there are. It frustrates me ceaselessly everytime my mom makes me eat slices of watermelons and I continually have to spit the devils out, the plate an awful mess of pale pink juice and hideous black seeds. Gross.

No single monumental moment this month, but a highlight would be the Ion event, observing merrymaking celebrities and socialites, capturing pictures of evasive Wonbin and pleasant LiBingbing. And... c'est tout actually. Haha.

The year will end before its time is due... as it does year after year. Transitional, friends blossoming into adults, I hope I can stare at faces and observe changes, but know that between us everything remains. Already friends are turning more beautiful and wise, let us all mirror that with each other.

9 months. Barely a milestone by any standards, but I am thankful. Excuse my incessant rumbling today, am truely giddy for all sorts of unjustified reasons. Anticipating a phonecall, failure to comply wholly unforgivable punishment duly meted.

BEWARE.

Personal Challenge

2009-10-22T11:58:00.002+08:00

Currently tormented by this abusive monster:

Sungha Jung

2009-10-17T21:31:00.004+08:00

I forgot how to embed Youtube videos, but this boy is so, so amazing with his guitar I stopped watching Xfactor for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws73YeSY02E

2009-10-17T21:31:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws73YeSY02E

Wearing Thinnn

2009-10-03T03:15:00.000+08:00

Somebody rescue meee I TAKE BACK ALL MY WORDS ITS 3 AM I AM DESPERATE TO SLEEPPPPP

Wandernowhere

2009-10-03T01:49:00.004+08:00

Friday night, close to 2 in the morning and I am wide awake, kept sleepless by either caffeine ( think green tea ToastBox TehC and Nescafe ) or an unsettled mind. Find myself here after a slight contest btwn continueing my novel or writing an entry. I made the correct choice because blogging 1.) unclogs the congested head 2.) ever since I started working, any PC usage makes me sleepy 3.) I chanced upon an entry on by dear Mr Vestige which lifted my spirits sufficiently.

Definitely, definitely owe an entry to beautiful Langkawi, just not tonight. It commands a cheerier flow of words than I am capable of right now, in my present state of sleepless annoyance. Then again, I have absolutely no direction over here, no inkling of what to pen down, which risks an endless bore of meaningless words falling in line one after the other... seems like it has taken place already, oh dear oh dear karennn.

I know. Guess what, over lunch my boss told me she googled my blog. I was genuinely taken aback, not that its totally unexpected, I mean, google magic is for everyone but I remember it took time for me to find a response.

Hmm it appears that blogging does wonders sometimes! I feel way better and almost ready for bedtime. Just to be safe I shall proceed to carry on my read. May I recommend 'When We Were Orphans'? Good stuff (sofar); I always remember how Kiterunner served me so well all the way through its climax but its finale injured me rather deeply; so much I wished it could be rewritten.

Bonne nuit to cherished ones!

Reversal.

2009-09-14T10:40:00.005+08:00

Beautiful days unaccounted for! I wish that I had the means to blog more often with more transparency and fluidity, but I'm a really lazy person.

Over the weekend my parents and I had lunch at Royal Copanhagen. I like tea but I don't enjoy cakes too much. To me dessert deals majorly with presentation, its visually pleasing, but after the intial excitement and 3 mouthfuls, it kind of tastes the same, which is why I never ever have cravings for cakes. On the otherhand, I constantly find myself thinking of.... meat. So much it's creepy. On Monday my parents took me out for lunch again, I got incredibly tired at Imperial Treasures and halfdragged myself back to office.

Highlight highlight! Birthday present: Black slim sexay

1.Asus Seashell

2.Canon Ixus 100

Absoultely pleased with my new toys. <3

Jason and I also shared some exciting moments, dinner with vapor fans, 1.50 tofu, 50% snackers and frappes, aced an arcade toss-the-basketball game, ( 503! ), watched the highly enjoyable Inglorious Basterds; Waltz was the spectacular performance. In particular the basketball game was quite a torture... it lasted forever; my back started to ache, it got funny and I laughed too much, so I found myself in an akward and painful situation, giggling, hurting, concentrating, avoiding rebounds, bending picking shooting, all the while beside a boy too busy to make sense ( "You can take a break". )

Also, Dah eeleen xh and I had quite a horrible dinner at Dome, I got a lovely Birthday Balloon from the girls which warranted birthday wishes from strangers. Dahniela's birthday was a homely affair at Soup Retaurant, insane singing at the DFS Ladies, Taptap game + Bushmen Brew at Cedele, money spent at the pink Etude House.

And the following, albeit unforgivably outdated, deserves special mention:

Walking down a stretch of Orchard Road one Friday night with Christine Abel HyperKenny, Christine was singing really loud next to me, instinctively I pushed her beside Abel, and 30 secons later I witnessed a plop landing somewhere between the 2: BIRDPOOP!! Christine became hysterical and helpless, and Abel was cleaning her up while repeatedly asking if there was any birdshit on his hair, SERIOUSLY we saw none and were damn sure about it, but he was equally insistent "he felt something", I thought I saw something but couldn't find anything; Finally he ran a tissue through his hair just to be sure, and voila yellow goo!!! The situation was so ridiculous that apparently Kenny thought it funny enough to laugh like a hyena in full view of other Orchard people. His arms flapped wildly, he went a little distance away and started slamming the walls/cardboard. Ohdear we were the strangest sight ever...

C'est tout au revoir!

Answering my duty call

2009-08-25T10:21:00.004+08:00

While strolling at NAC some 2 weeks ago, Jason turned and asked me if I liked sharks. I'm the sort of person who'd throw out all possible answers in hope that one of them would be right, so I asked him if he was bringing me to go dive with the sharks at Sentosa for my birthday, but I dismissed the idea without much deliberation.

But on Saturday, due to the nature of the event he had to tell me what to bring, and I kind of guessed it again, holy shit we were going to underwaterr world to dive with sharks! Which I really think is a brilliant idea, we met the instructor Jayne, got changed into diving suits, learnt how to use the oxygen tanks which were soo heavy, strapped weights onto our hips, how to clear our ears, used saliva to coat our goggles, and then we marched into the water where I touched the smooth undersides of our belly ( omg i totally meant the stingray's underside, but this is funny so i shall not correct my error ). But when we dipped our heads underwater, I couldn't get used to the breathing at all, it took immense effort to inhale-exhale and my chest got tight, I tried breathing out with my nose which filled my goggles with water, and after some 15 minutes we decided to postpone the dive.:s I really want to go back though!

In an unchronological manner, I finally met Kenny on Thursday, which was an embarassing night because I lured myself into a trap! ( details best left unmentioned ). We had a nice dinner with Yogi and Christine at KPO, sat at the 'poledancetable', the chair was too tall so I preferred to dine on my feet, but nonetheless I found the place charming.:) 3 hours before I turned 21 Jason took me to the theatre for Bruno, ohdearrr, I was quite frightened to see remotes and champagne bottles stuck between guys asses, not to mention the cockdance, but altogether I enjoyed the movie.

On turning 21:

I woke up to a nagging mother in my room and my brother shouting some nonsense to me, and I told myself, adulthood doesn't really make a difference afterall.

Dirrrty

2009-08-20T09:53:00.002+08:00

Last night after a birthday dinner at SunwithMoon with the lovely university friends, ( all the good memories at the restaurant! ), we had dessert at Nectarie, where I got delighted by a chunky chocolate drink, Weilin's Bodycream flavor icecream sorbet, and Xuyun's sweetly fragrant Peony Jade tea. I recall my earlier tea fetish which subsided only when I suspected tea to contribute to teeth discoloration. My present was fussed by meddling inqusitive hands; I was the last person to open it; but I was a proud and pleased owner of the the blazer I found within the paper bag. :) Thanks guys!

I've always thought Singapore trains to be relatively clean and safe, not that I have changed by mind, but may I say I was in disbelief to see a rat on the train last night! Xuyun and I held out legs up indignantly, and squeals aside, we could have been cooler and observe the hideous creature in its full glory in its new playground, watch it scurry past the opposite lane then back again, but no, dear Jason kept chanting beside me " I'm going to kill the rat, I'm going to kill the rat, I'm going to kill the rat", and poor me, in a bid to protect my toes and present, fell into panic because clearly his weapon was either bare fists or his frail laptop bag propped upright by nothing but mere sheets of lecture notes. So I chanted back "omg Jason please don't do it omg jason please don't do it, jus sit down" and try repeating that 10 times, the rest of the commuters in muted shock-amusement, I don't know whether I got frightened by the monster or by the brave boy, but it put the stress in me. Finally the boy stood up and there was a loud thud as his laptop bag hit... either the floor or the prey but it scurried away anyway, while the onlookers must have musing whether it could get anymore fanciful. At the end of the day, I found it a great adventure, more so because we had a hero. Reminds me how he put out a fire at my roof garden, heh.

Bye for now!

mr

2009-08-19T16:29:00.001+08:00

From random:

Ever since a bunch of opium addicted monks devised a game of tossing severed heads at each other, the game of Dodgeball has grown to become one of the most popular sports in the world; according to the ADAA (American Dodgeball Association of America). The rules are simple, 6 players per side, 6 rubber balls. If you get hit with a ball, you're out. If you catch a ball, the other person is out and one of your own players comes back into the game.

August

2009-08-11T15:29:00.003+08:00

Over the weekend I watched 2 movies, Public Enemies with Christine Abel Jason and Yipeng. It was a let down! Saturday's Up was flawless with Sam Yogi Luke and Christine, and on Sunday we went for supper with Shyan Cheewei Zhaoying and Seowang at Tongshui, where they tried to rip us off for drinks we never had. On the bonus holiday Monday, Jason and I met Christine and Yogi for tea at Royal Copanhagen and spread the table with delightful things as Asam tea, Apple and Rose jam in tubs, Scones with cream, Bakwell tart Pineapple Upside Down Blueberry cheesecake and Chocolate, salmon wrapped eggs with shrimps. Yogi was so full she felt drugged, which is exactly how I feel now, suffering a thick banana juice intoxication. During tea Jason attempted to impress with card tricks -.-. After Yogi left, we strolled into Burberry until Fawn came, and then Jason and I explored Ion before ending the day with German Potato Cheese and Fatty Weng. I went to bed at 12, feeling excited for my friends who would start school in a few hours, somwhat envious.

I would love to watch UP again!

bruce

2009-08-07T14:12:00.003+08:00

Dad's been back the past week, last night we had dinner at Sun with Moon, where I thought the foie gras looked like "ai gua" and I nearly missed it. We proceeded to Indochine where my mom became tipsy before the drinks even reached us -.-. So much that my dad swopped seats to sit beside me instead. It's like, drunk moms nag 10x as much, imagine that.

The past 2 days at Burberry was very thrilling, we had a press event at Ion and instore catwalk, where I got drawn to a very good looking brunette, whose mom also looked very pretty. After a long period of boycott, I took my camera out! I kind of miss it. I also tried some pieces on because I'm wondering if I should get something for my birthday, and I'm reallly liking the cashemere shnood and steel colored jacket/coat.

The weekend was spent cycling, arguably my first outing with Jason, as in excursion/adventure, although we could not agree on the definition of an outing so, who knows whether its a first. Whatever. We had alot of fun, or at least I did, peddling and buying enough food to fill his backpack, people watching and giving each other lame high5s, enjoying the Singapore seabreeze. On sunday he came over and with my dad and 3 brothers, there was tennis/basketball ( omg ME BASKETBALL!?) and the weather demanded that Jason and I jump into the pool after an intense sweat session. We laughed like crazy doing things like pool tour and unconventional piggy backs, and catchmeifyoucan.

Tonight's itinary: PUBLIC ENEMIES!

BuckWild!

2009-07-15T15:36:00.002+08:00

Lunch with Kelly was nostalgic Bachormee and Mango Pomelo Sago, I hate crushed ice. After the meal I lethargic and slipped into drowsiness, so I munched on Starbucks Caramel Waffles and sipped sugarless Milo ( because I got chased out of the pantry ). When work ended I returned home to watch Rosy Business.:)

Last night I brought Jason to watch Ice Age 3D, it was meant to be a secret but because he is a fussy boy and I have an unsettled mind, I consulted him prior. We went for it and much to my amusement I found myself in the embrace of a little cyclops ( wow jason ) although he laughed into my face each time I turned to look at him. ( Hahaha you look funny ). -.- I was delighted to see the characters pop out and fill up the cinema, but when the initial excitement cooled off I decided that I wouldn't do a 3D again.

Abrupt ending thus far because I have to drag my tropid being to bed. Bonne nuit!

2009-07-14T16:25:00.000+08:00

The past week was breathless and crazy. On Thursday and Friday I stayed in office till midnight; nonetheless I managed to settle for supper with Ash Christine and Jason where we encountered a strange black cat upon bidding goodbyes. Saturday and Sunday found me in the office yet again, and after a 7 day workweek I decided treat myself to a break on Monday, and made my way to Jason's place first thing in the morning to catch him asleep. I crawled into bed to give him a pleasant surprise and he wore an ecstasy smile for the rest of the morning. We slept alot and had very vivid dreams; I dreamt of work ( oh dear the haunting of a 7 day workweek ). In the evening I retreated home with the family watching Rosy Business, which boasts an enthralling storyline that I really enjoy.

Today crept upon me, and I had a sudden invitation to Fareast Boneless Chicken Rice with Sam Yogi Christine Ash, there was tender juicy chicken but disappointingly bland rice and soup; the saving grace was a very amiable uncle. We waited more than half an hour for a bus in the humid Singapore air, our cheeks warm and body sticky. Then Ash and Christine walked me back to the Burberry Office, where I shall begin looking forward to tonight's activities, because I plan for a little mid-July adventure with scary dinosaurs and funny squirels.

Wrong

2009-07-02T10:36:00.003+08:00

So tiresome to be human sometimes.

It is painful when 2 people with good intentions end up with a dispute, one with no obvious compromise. On the other hand, there are also people that you offend unwittingly, who have an unfavorable opinion towards you, and regard you with cold civility, forced speech and prefer to leave the silence hanging. Such individuals I am much less bothered about and even more less inclined to carry out amendment, but the former deserves a great amount of considerations.

Sleeplessness occurs to anyone, even the greedy sleeper. I think it happens because when darkness consumes you, the mind either eases into rest or begins to reflect about the day. Last night I was upset, over an episode that I feel is significant enough for me to think through repeatedly. I wonder if it makes sense to coax youself into not performing an act that you believe would benefit another person who protests otherwise.

Nonethless I am wide awake now, an alive mind gives me unflagging energy. I am still contemplative but less unhappy, and I'm looking forward to a merry lunch with Ashlyn and Christine!

2009-07-01T11:28:00.004+08:00

There's an old uncle who comes by the office to sell very tasty assorted chips. I like him because I have a soft spot for old men who are pleasant. Today I bought lobster chips and bitter chips, then we found a cockroach in the office and he amused me with his agility to chase and catch it with his fingers, before sealing it with an envelope and squashing it. He seemed proud of his achievement as he presented the cockroach to the females, and kept saying "zhua mei du, she you du" i.e cockroach no poison, snake got poison.

=)

He is so cute!

It will be good!

2009-06-19T11:21:00.004+08:00

It is friday again, I enjoy fridays pretty much.

Over the weekend I took a one day break at home and the next day I spent it at Jason's place, where we watchd Goodfellas and Juno with his sister. I remember how everyone would persuade me that Juno is a good movie but I found it way overhyped, the girl is cute but the songs are annoying, or perhaps we watched Goodfellas first and it had so much more depth. I've been dying to finish Revolutionary Road so... let's do it this week.

In the office, Grace and I settled into Kelly's cubicle after she flew off to London, and W.Kim brought the interns for Lunch on Thursday. He is really interesting and well-travelled, and on Wedesday he brought music and wine into the office and proposed a Friday clean up. Oh and I spilled an entire cup of Milo in the pantry, all over a black twill skirt, on the floor and the cupboards. Afterwhich I spent 15 mins cleaning up with mop napkins cloths and wondered if I should record it in my colorful paletted checklist.

I learnt, or rather experienced, this week that opinions can lead to conflict, but it's pretty amazing how Jason always manages to keep his cool, actually he just finds it funny that I get angry, if I shout he laughs, and that is so ridiculous that I find it stupid to be angry, so I guess arguments are kind of difficult to escalate to. I'm also slightly apologetic for having 'broken' part of his nose, but the act was applied out of a pure desire and instinct to help, sorry sorry! Anyway, I really like our chemistry. :)

Words tell so little!

2009-06-13T21:55:00.003+08:00

Hello.
Omg sounds lame but I have no idea where to begin. A good week!

In office I spent a few days sitting at Yvonne's desk on her chair while Grace sat opposite me and Fookin was squeezed into the teeny space behind me ( he gave up eventually ).It's really weird because, since when do you sit in your boss's chair?? Basically our usual room was taken up by the SAP trainers and we were reduced to such awkward circumstances. On Friday, 2 Taiwanese Burberry staff came to occupy Yvonne's room so I scurried off to Kelly's desk and squeezed rather comfortably beside her, which was really alot of fun because I got exposed to interesting office gossip and I could sashay to the pantry in a less deliberate manner which means more frequent visits for Milo refills.

It was also really exciting because W Kim, the VP from Korea came, and true to hearsay he looks sooo young, although I felt embarassed because all the furious tapping at the laptop made me have sweaty palms when I shoke his hand ( I accidentally typed shook his head -.-). I hope it went unnoticed. The PR director from HK was also in office and with the Taiwanese girls and SAP staff, the place was very noisy and busy, with various accents, not to mention Kelly conversing in Indonesian (Malay?) and Korean and Chinese.

Workplace aside, I managed to catch Yipeng for a lunch before he flew off to Anfield. and he turned up half inebriated, taking 15 minutes to flip through the menu before deciding on... instant noodles and soya bean. On friday I walked out of Burberry at 7pm only to find Jason and his friends Clarissa and Carrie waiting at the 10th floor lift. :) We tried Smashed Chicken with VERYSPICYCHILLY and a suspicious looking blueberry concoction before trooping to a secret lounge and played a Picture Drawing Game ( I am frustrated, what isit called?Pictorian? ). Which I won! Btw I usually lose games which involve boards and cards. At 930 we redeemed free popcorn and watched State of Play, I like Russell Crowe I find him convincing and I think Rachel McAdams is cute, but Ben Affleck has become a bore, I remember he was hot in Pearl Harbour when he was needled in the butt. The movie was good, I really think the films this year are pretty enjoyable! Finally we had bachormee for supper and I fell asleep at 3 am.

=D

7 days later...

2009-06-08T23:56:00.005+08:00

Week 2 has commenced.

In short, I am in Asia Travel Retail, I report to the GM Yvonne, who has curled hair and wears lots of black, enjoys reading and has 2 daughters. I work closely with KellyPark who is from Korea, ( she studied Art in a female-only university ). My jaw dropped today when Yvonne told me she would be flying to Taiwan and London and would only be back in July; Kelly would be off to London for 2 wks as well, which means, I work ALONE ( because Grace and Fookin are under different dpts). It is also worth mentioning that the office is really cold, meaning you wouldn't want to risk having a cardigan out of reach. One highlight was to watch a Webcast where Christopher Bailey showed clips of Emma Watson as the new Burberry model.

That's about it for now, it's been great so far, I really enjoy this even though I feel a little detached sometimes, when the darkness of the night and the humid air greets me, I get slightly confused of reality to be free from the office, where everything seems hurried and important admist customary exchanges of niceties. As always, the process of making new friends thrills me but correlates to missing my comfort zone and the people who are the closest to me. It makes me curious if there are loved ones I can fall back on, who will offer a listening ear and with whom I can share my stories as a way to partake in my day. I now opt to appear available on MSN, I read my friends blogs regularly with avidity, I sms and chat them with more passion, and little things make my heart warm in an exaggerated blown up fashion.

I haven't started to dread work yet, although on Sunday nights I miss the weekend already. I want slow, lazy yet meaningful weekends. The first workweek Saturday I went to Queensway, making my way through heaps of shoes and FBTs and Drifits. On Sunday morning I had tuition before heading over to Jason's for a perfect chilling session. I attempted to read Can Man Be Rational while he leafed through a heavy yellow book thickened with articles. After dinner we went opposite for lovely Hot Chocolate on red couches, had a nice talk before I trudged home, a little worn out. Monday came and it was intense, I left office at 8, got a headache and slipped into languidness, came home and was revived by the trusty Panadol, and tucked in heartily to buttery salmon and miso soup while watching a smacking new Shinhwa DVD. Finally I snuggle into bed, grateful to have the aircon on, drinking cold milk and taking my breakfast as supper, the pleasing warmth of the laptop against my thighs. At the same time i feel lost and vulerable, I find myself wanting, I sense a need for protection. I cannot explain why for lack of a good understanding of myself, but I know that sleep purges such emotional tugs.

I shall sleep now!

Day 1

2009-06-01T16:21:00.002+08:00

Hello from Burberryy office! =D

This place is pretty small and cosy, and I got quite a culture shock from the amount of Cantonese spoken. Today my supervisor came in still carrying her red luggage straight back from a 14 day London trip, and each of the 3 interns are assigned to a different supervisor. We sat in for a meeting which was really funny, and everyone's nice to us. Anyway the other interns are Grace and Fookin, I remember Grace from my Asia Pacific tutorial class. I've been told I can wear jeans to work, which is exciting; DBS was pretty strict. I've seen the preview of SS 2010, it's totally cool.

Sidetrack: The past 3 days were FANTASTIC. :)

Bye for now!

take me away?

2009-05-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

Facebook has a "How well do you know ___ " quiz. I haven't attempted any, but I was wondering what questions I would ask about myself. Truth be told I'm actually quite confused about myself, as much as it sounds like a post-teenage identity crisis. I think I'm rather fickle, unsettled, restless, stubborn but malleable, on the way to somewhere but barely reaching, caught inbetween. I resist being defined or explained. Also, on certain lonely nights, while the world sleeps on and I can hear my breathing loud and distinct, I secretly wonder if anything is real at all, when I feel distant from everyone and everything, I exploit the night's chilliness to hug myself, warm my palms against a habitual mug of Milo, stare mindlessly at the glaring laptop screen and face the white blogger interface. Like now.

But of course, these moments are short-lived, they dissipate easily, as recklessly as they came about. More often than not I'm thankful for what life offers, little things overwhelm me and I bask in contentment. So, the idea is that I pretty much oscillate between these states, which leaves me kind of confused and lost.

On a lighter note, after multiple Wasabi Deaths, today I had a Bubble Tea Death because I nearly choked on a bubble tea pearl, not exactly a glamourous way to experience near death I know. There was just too much pearlssss in the cup! So way after I had drank all the liquid I was still busy sucking up the pearls and shit happened. Anyway I actually don't like the taste of bubble tea, I drink it for the pearrllsss. Memorysake too I think.

nite!

Bernana, in, perjamas

2009-05-20T00:11:00.004+08:00

Today I had an impromptu dinner with Jason, and there were many plan revisions before we met at 640 in the evening. We had tasty omu rice with cream and assorted seafood and idunnowhat laced with plenty of sauce, seaweed and mayonnaise. When we were done, we did some Secret Spy & Speculation while sipping Pomelo Barley ( Yum ) and found a guard in camouflage. After walking around the same building many times, we settled on watching Star Trek to round off the warm day, and it was surprisingly nice. Altogether it was a great day, and I'm going to end it right now with a long and lovely sleep.

=)

PUBLISHHHH

2009-05-18T00:50:00.003+08:00

Goodnight world!

Life is great, but I'm too sleepy to write, way tired from over-exertion during teppanyaki buffet, ilovemeat. Mmmmm.

P.S Yes I got the internship and I'm real excited!

Cuz I'm burning for you
Burning like a candle

Long Dew

2009-05-13T09:56:00.004+08:00

How did this happen? I haven't posted for a month!

Everything's been good by the way, it's a little sad that not every worthy event has their place in this space, but it has always been that way. Of late I've had a hearty appetite and a wasabi death, bought too much grey clothes and shall buy a cheddar coloured dress which shocked my mother, spent quality time with favourite people but it's never enough never complete, went for a Burberry internship interview, caught Taken which I loved, watched favourite Friends moments with my elder brother, slept too much with very vivid colourful thrilling dreams with an assortment of familiar faces, and the month also had its fair share of lovely lovely surprises.

I'm really thankful for just living.

There. Pictures soon:)

here we go again

2009-04-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

[12:40:56 AM] Ashlyn Chee Rui Yin says: today i go and check the horo
[12:41:15 AM] Ashlyn Chee Rui Yin says: it says the effects is 4 days past 15th leh

ok very good, everything in my prev post is now void.

yesss

2009-04-18T00:05:00.002+08:00

15th passed by without any major mishaps! =) In fact I daresay it was one of the best days of the month, even though it is barely just over half the count. I shall do a brief recapitulation urhurm:

Sometime past midnight as the day began to unfold, Ash and I skyped, upping the apprehension because we are both cowards, more so because we are rather.. omg, superstitious (? ) Anyway we kind of freaked each other out, and the next afternoon I received a sms from Perth Ash whom I did not reply because I happened to glance up and found myself under a moving crane. I also managed to wriggle my way out of a very suspicious interview. =)

When evening sank in, Jason and I had a convivial dinner while watching the sky turn colors, a mutating canvas that shed its milky blue. Buttery garlic escargots, hamburg steak, omu rice and squid ink pasta. Every other diner seemed happy, but we thought ourselves the most content. On the way back, we passed by my favourite school, and the basketball court where I once tried to sleep in during The Angklung Camp. The day ended with a phonecall high, and finally at 130 a.m, I reclined in bed, satisfied and relieved.

-.-

2009-04-14T22:17:00.001+08:00

karen says:
i havent open my dress yet
i mean your dress
but my dress is really 2 full layers lar they think i v cold right

dah says:
what u order again huh
i forgot alr
is it nice?
asos having 50% OFF NOW

karen says:
some black dress tt looks damn short on the model but is totally fine for me
HAHAHAH OMG DAH U DAMN BITTER RIGHT
and i got this black tube with the bow at the back and i love it lar but er, mus "squeeze into a tube" like toothpaste
like unzip all the way
then zip all the way
and look damn clumsy while doing that

dah says:
can breathe anot
sounds damn tight

karen says:
whats your problem
its because its tighter at the ribs there
then flare aft that
so tts why must squeeze
CAN BREATH LAR

dah says:
wahrenka u babble so much on ur blog its scary
its like u type type type
and vomit all the words right